Two Bitches
I met up with some friends in Over-the-Rhine the other night. Bakersfield, to be exact. Now, this joint is not very big, it’s kind of shoulder-to-shoulder at peak time, so there’s not a ton of personal space, and there’s not really much surplus space. It’s not a big deal, because it’s a happy bar, with a good vibe and a friendly crowd. We had a lot of fun there. Everyone did. Except for these two bitches sitting at the bar. The first thing I noticed was that one of them was slightly hot, in kind of a bitchy way. The second thing I noticed was that unlike everyone else, there was plenty of space around them; my guess is since they were clearly bitches, nobody wanted to sit next to them. So I forgot about them until I posed for a picture with a couple of my chick friends, and right as the pic was being taken, one of them lifted my shirt bottom, showing about four square inches of my stomach for about a millisecond. The bitches saw this, and based on their reactions, you would have thought somebody shit in their laps. They started pointing at us and talking to each other about what disgusting people we were… from all of five feet away. Seriously, bro! First, we can hear you. Second, we don’t care. Third, everyone in this bar is having fun except you, and you’re probably sitting there talking about how awful everything and everyone is, and wondering to yourselves why your lives suck and why nobody wants to be around you. Well, it’s because you’re bitches and you’re in bitchy moods. Next time you feel like going out in public and trying to bring everyone down to your level instead of joining us up here where it’s fun, don’t! Just don’t! Stay at home and drink Drano instead. We won’t miss you.
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